Self-Affirmation, or something like that

I was thinking recently, as I am apt to do, of a conversation from four years ago. During this conversation, a “mentor” of sorts advised me to forgo my plans to study abroad in favor of finding inner happiness and inner peace. I ignored that advice, moved to Europe and experienced the best year of my life. It occurred to me, as I recalled this conversation, that maybe the reason I found happiness by ignoring that advice is because I did what I wanted to do with my life. I did not do what I thought I should do or what someone else told me to do, I wasn’t seeking advice on whether to pursue my dream, I was going to fulfill my dream. Bottom line.

That was the last time I trusted myself enough to go after something, no matter the cost. It has been almost three years since I returned from Europe. Three years that have tested my faith, my self-confidence and my ability to trust myself and everyone else.

Those who know me well, know that being healthy is important to me. I try to eat healthfully, I get eight hours of sleep at night and I exercise as frequently as my work schedule allows. I am always striving to do better in all three categories. I think, though, that being healthy goes beyond these categories. In order to be healthy in body AND mind I need to make additional changes in my life. Changes that carrots, raspberries and running won’t fix.

What does that mean, you ask? First and foremost, I need to figure out who I am.  I have spent the greater portion of my life pursuing a lifestyle that may not be accurate to who I truly am.

1. Expectation:

A Home- I thought I would have a home to share with family and friends. There would be Superbowl parties, weekend and holiday bbq’s, gatherings for a game against two great rival teams with pizza, wings and beer and casual weekends when people stop by just because.

1. Reality:

The world no longer seems to value this lifestyle. This is how I was raised, this is not how the world works. Even if it did, I value a lifestyle that does not support my dream expectation. I LOVE to travel, I want to experience new places, new people, and new foods. I want to be able to spend weeks or even months exploring different locations.

2. Expectation:

Friends- a core group of people to invite to a bbq, camp with, go on occasional trips with, attend sporting events with. A genuine friendship, no questions asked.

2. Reality:

I am a transplant in the city where I live, which also happens to be the city where I went to college. Most of my college friends have moved away. I am the youngest person at my work by 20+ years. I do not attend church. I don’t know how else to meet people in a city where my lifestyle and beliefs place me squarely in the social, and religious, minority. My closest friends are 2,000+ miles away.

So what does this all mean? It means I have dedicated this year to making some changes. Changes that I feel good about. Shedding attitudes and expectations that anger me, frustrate me, consume me in negative ways. I am going to travel every chance I get. I am going to pursue new activities that will expose me to more people, places, and experiences. I am going to pursue dreams that fulfill me and that are attainable in the short-term. I am going to be more comfortable with who I am. I may not be funniest person or the most outgoing person. I may not even be the nicest person. I am who I am and I won’t apologize for it.

Here is what I do know: I am worth it, I am worthwhile. I love adventure. I love being spontaneous. I have a good job, even if it drives me crazy . I have a nice apartment. I lived in Europe for a year. I have an awesome family regardless of the distance. I am still young and anything is possible. Bring it.

Changes don’t occur over night. They take hard work and dedication. It takes reminding yourself every single day for as long as it takes. It means not giving up no matter how much you want to. It means patience. It means not being afraid of the choices you make, even when you make the wrong ones. It means having faith, whatever that means for you individually.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams…” – Thoreau

 

P.S. all images were copied from pinterest.

 

I’m Baaaaaaaaack!

Hello world, and, 2012. I hope the first few weeks of 2012 have been as good to you as they have been to me. Three weeks into the new year I am still invigorated to tackle some new challenges. I didn’t set any crazy resolutions for myself but I did set one: T.V. one night a week. In the last 17 months I have watched more T.V. than I think I have in my entire life. That’s what depression and a bad mood will do to you. Funny thing is, once you get in the rhythm of watching T.V. every single night for hours, if you are perceptive, you begin to realize that all that T.V. is really just making you more unhappy. Enough, is enough. One night a week, that’s all. Quite a challenge when you consider that I do not have a DVR and I do not plan on getting one. So how am I doing so far? Well, I am blogging for the first time in, well, to be honest, I don’t know when my last post was. Do I think I will blog more this year, maybe? It is not a resolution by any stretch. In fact, my new year’s resolution was made in the spirit of helping me overcome my depression and to inspire me to rediscover lost loves and maybe discover some new ones.

Recently I discovered society6.com through a Facebook friends post. Society6.com in an online “forum” where you can post your artwork or photography and sell it for a profit (check it out, it’s pretty cool). Naturally, I linked you to my page but feel to browse around. There are some really talented people out there. So this is a lost love rediscovered. Yesterday, I found the website for Digital Photography magazine. Each week, they post a new “assignment” to readers. I am hooked. This weeks challenge: light. I can’t wait. So yes, maybe I will blog more this year, after all what better venue is there for featuring my work?

I am also an avid reader. Since January 1, 2012. I have read three books. Pretty good start if you ask me. I joined Goodreads. Not sure what I expect to get out of it so I may end up not even using the website. In addition to the three books I have already read I have a queue of about 20 books I have been meaning to read for the last year. At my current rate, I should complete the books in my list shortly. Not to mention that, intellectually, reading is more engaging than watching T.V.

Lastly, I already discovered a new love- running. On Thanksgiving Day 2011, I ran my first race, a 5k. I did not train for the race but I am hooked. This year, I hope to run a few more races. My friend is encouraging me to run a 10k but after watching the last season of Biggest Loser, I want to try for, at a minimum, a half marathon. I begin training February 1st! I have new shoes laced up and ready to go, a running playlist, a sensor to record my progress and a training schedule. I am pumped. Additionally, I hope to finally increase my strength training. I have ALWAYS loved working out but I gravitate towards the cardio. I hope to balance my newfound love with a newfound love for strength training. Either way, I am just excited to do something other than sit down or lie down for 24 hours a day.

As always I have big hopes for the new year. So far so good. Let’s hope the rest of year is as positive. And who knows, maybe I will pick up some grammar while blogging

Wishing you all the best with your resolutions, goals, and dreams for 2012!